My heart goes out to any woman who is physically abused, or emotionally abused, for that matter. I have been on the receiving end of both physical and emotional abuse. The way Mel Gibson speaks to the mother of his baby is all too familiar to me. I did not egg on my man (the father of my child). His imagination and jealousy were much more dangerous than anything I could possibly say to him. When he saw other men look at me, he accused me of shaking my ass when I walk. I defy one (sane) person to catch me wiggling my rear unless I'm dancing, and I'm getting too old for public ass shaking.
My marriage was short-lived. Once the physical abuse occurred, I could no longer consider this man to be my best friend. I walked on egg shells as long as we shared living space. I'd been raised by fighting parents; I wasn't willing to subject my son to this environment, so I left.
My exhusband had a gambling addiction. In addition to dealing with abuse, my financial situation took a nosedive as a married woman. We could not afford a tree during my son's first Christmas. Severing the partnership with this man became a no-brainer, once I could finally digest the idea that we couldn't be a family.
When a woman leaves her abusive husband, she must give up the dream of a happy marriage. She must also decide to separate her child from the man she probably still loves, in spite of his terrible behavior. Love rarely dies overnight. Although outsiders might wonder why it takes a woman so long to leave her abuser, leaving isn't easy. As the dream dies, the woman must quit thinking of herself as a team member; in order to survive, she can no longer put her partner first.
In my case, calling the police would have destroyed our team. I was never "beaten," but I was hit by a man twice my weight, and one time I flew across the room. I felt sorry for this man whose father beat him most of his life. I wanted to help him have a good life.
But I was unable to improve his life, while he was destroying mine. He'd fly into a rage if he came home from work and saw that I'd failed to open all of the windows (all but one). Because I feared that anything I said would make matters worse, I'd shut up. If I did not participate in the argument, this man who had vowed to love me through good times and bad, would harass me for not speaking.
It took me two years to get it together to leave the marriage. Although he hadn't raised his hand to hit me for over six months, calling me the C-word in front of our son was the last straw for me.
Would I have stayed longer if our financial situation had been better?
Monday, August 2, 2010
Monday, July 12, 2010
Selling My House
In order to put my house up for sale, I had to put most everything else aside to focus, focus, and focus on a job that was too big for me. No time for blogging. No time for scrapbooking.
My brother helped me. My sisters helped me. My nephew. My sister-in-law. Even my friend Dale who had just gone through the horrors of moving herself. These people all volunteered to put in time they could have spent a thousand different ways. I had not wanted to impose. I'd been too afraid to ask.
Once I decided to move, the work didn't stop. I cleaned, polished and tossed things away. I got things repaired that should have been repaired years ago. Twenty years, almost twenty-one years is a long time to live in one place, a long time to accumulate junk. One day I saw the futility of paying for a place to house all my belongings.
When's the last time you moved? No matter how positive you are, the amount of work required never seems to stop. "We" filled up my brother's giant trailer---his Model A trailer---three times. By "we," I mostly mean "they" because my back and most of my body gave out at the beginning of packing. I've hobbled and limped since March 2010. There must be 100 boxes that over-fill a rented storage space and my sister's garage.
My last night on Castlebrook was spent on the floor; I'd sold my beautiful futon to my friend across the street. I traded the discomfort of the floor for the peace of mind that the futon was gone. I was desperate to close up the house.
My brother helped me. My sisters helped me. My nephew. My sister-in-law. Even my friend Dale who had just gone through the horrors of moving herself. These people all volunteered to put in time they could have spent a thousand different ways. I had not wanted to impose. I'd been too afraid to ask.
Once I decided to move, the work didn't stop. I cleaned, polished and tossed things away. I got things repaired that should have been repaired years ago. Twenty years, almost twenty-one years is a long time to live in one place, a long time to accumulate junk. One day I saw the futility of paying for a place to house all my belongings.
When's the last time you moved? No matter how positive you are, the amount of work required never seems to stop. "We" filled up my brother's giant trailer---his Model A trailer---three times. By "we," I mostly mean "they" because my back and most of my body gave out at the beginning of packing. I've hobbled and limped since March 2010. There must be 100 boxes that over-fill a rented storage space and my sister's garage.
My last night on Castlebrook was spent on the floor; I'd sold my beautiful futon to my friend across the street. I traded the discomfort of the floor for the peace of mind that the futon was gone. I was desperate to close up the house.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Money Can't Buy You Class
Here is the Countess LuAnn's smash single. I'm not sure whether LuAnn takes herself seriously or not. The proceeds from the single will go to cherity, and LuAnn looks stunning on the video:
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Why I Love Kelly Cutrone Part 2
I love Kelly Cutrone more than ever now. Tuesday night I watched my guilty pleasure, The City. Kelly made the following statement to both Whitney Port and Erin Kaplan:
The expression on Erin's face in reaction to Kelly's comment was priceless. Erin has had difficulty working with Olivia for months; she was surprised and amused at the same time, and so was everyone else in earshot of Kelly's remark. Hahaha.
Who gives a *&#@ about her opinion? She's dead. She is dead. I'm going to come up like a shark underneath a glass bottom boat and whip the shit out of her.The statement was in reference to Olivia Palermo who was supposed to attend the photo shoot of Whitney's collection to interview Whitney. Apparently, Olivia had decided to snub Whitney's collection, but she hadn't bothered to inform her employer Elle Magazine or Whitney's employer and mentor Kelly Cutrone (People's Revolution).
The expression on Erin's face in reaction to Kelly's comment was priceless. Erin has had difficulty working with Olivia for months; she was surprised and amused at the same time, and so was everyone else in earshot of Kelly's remark. Hahaha.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
American Idol's Top Five
I hated to see Aaron voted off the show last night. Actually, "voted off" isn't exactly accurate. Nobody voted against Aaron; they chose to save somebody else. I hope that the star-maker machine picks up 17-year-old Aaron and helps him get a pop following. All he needs is one big hit and a couple of magazine covers, and Aaron can run with his career.
Sinatra week was a great idea, especially with Harry Connick Jr. at the helm, arranging the songs and supporting the singers with his instrumentals. What a generous man; what an opportunity for these contestants.
I am happy that these young singers did not try to over-stylize Sinatra songs by bending too many notes (like Mariah or Witney). A simple song can be ruined by over-doing it. Less can definitely be more, and these young singers honored Frank Sinatra, Harry Connick Jr., and themselves, by not doing vocal aerobatics. The true test of a singer is to get out there and sing, and that is what each of them did last night. Aaron Kelly did a fabulous job on Blue Skies.
Obviously, I cannot hear what the judges are hearing. Casey James sounded fantastic to me. He did not look like he missed his guitar. He seemed relaxed and poised, and as usual, G-O-R-G-E-O-U-S!!! This man can be a star with his face alone that reminds me of Brad Pitt when I first saw him in Thelma and Louise and I said, "Who is that?" Since I haven't seen Brad without that scraggly beard for ages, I think Casey is....he is just too pretty. Have you noticed his shoulders and beautiful posture? And that boy can sing and play the guitar like nobody's business. He is one of my favorites.
Wouldn't it be funny if Big Mike were to win, after ending up in the bottom two so many times? I love Mike. Close your eyes next time he sings, and let yourself be carried away by that velvet voice that is similar perhaps to Luther Vandross. Mike can sing; he is not "pitchy," or as HCJ would say, "Off key." He isn't familiar with the term "pitchy," and he doesn't like it.
Mike can have a career. I'd buy his records. I'd buy Casey's as well. I might put a poster of Casey on my wall if I were 50 years younger. And if I were 55 years younger, I might put a poster up of Aaron Kelly.
Speaking of gorgeous men and boys: I barely noticed Lee DeWyze at first, and I thought he'd get voted off weeks ago. I'm so happy he didn't. Lee's voice is a cross--perhaps--between that of Joe Cocker and Michael Bolton, but I think he's a better singer. The judges keep telling Lee to smile. If Lee would smile several times in one night, he'd have a huge career. He is one good-looking man.
Our only woman contestant left is Crystal Bowersox. I think I'd change my last name, if I were Crystal. And I'd certainly get braces on my teeth. My guess is that Crystal's family is far from financial wealth but they've supported her deep appreciation and talent for music, especially bluesy music. Here I go making comparisons again. Crystal reminds me a bit of Jewel--who never fixed her crooked teeth, but she is considered beautiful nevertheless. Both Jewel and Crystal play the guitar and write good songs. And with their beautiful skin, they both look very earthy.
Crystal has an excellent voice. It is full and thick and smooth like Linda Ronstadt's voice. I could listen to either of these singers all day. Crystal could use some help from a stylist.
I suppose that Crystal will win, but I can picture Big Mike as the winner. On the other hand, the more we see of Lee, the more likely it seems that he might win. And what about Casey James? I will be happy to see any of these performers win American Idol. I hope they each have a big career ahead of them. I think they all do, including Aaron.
Sinatra week was a great idea, especially with Harry Connick Jr. at the helm, arranging the songs and supporting the singers with his instrumentals. What a generous man; what an opportunity for these contestants.
I am happy that these young singers did not try to over-stylize Sinatra songs by bending too many notes (like Mariah or Witney). A simple song can be ruined by over-doing it. Less can definitely be more, and these young singers honored Frank Sinatra, Harry Connick Jr., and themselves, by not doing vocal aerobatics. The true test of a singer is to get out there and sing, and that is what each of them did last night. Aaron Kelly did a fabulous job on Blue Skies.
Obviously, I cannot hear what the judges are hearing. Casey James sounded fantastic to me. He did not look like he missed his guitar. He seemed relaxed and poised, and as usual, G-O-R-G-E-O-U-S!!! This man can be a star with his face alone that reminds me of Brad Pitt when I first saw him in Thelma and Louise and I said, "Who is that?" Since I haven't seen Brad without that scraggly beard for ages, I think Casey is....he is just too pretty. Have you noticed his shoulders and beautiful posture? And that boy can sing and play the guitar like nobody's business. He is one of my favorites.
Wouldn't it be funny if Big Mike were to win, after ending up in the bottom two so many times? I love Mike. Close your eyes next time he sings, and let yourself be carried away by that velvet voice that is similar perhaps to Luther Vandross. Mike can sing; he is not "pitchy," or as HCJ would say, "Off key." He isn't familiar with the term "pitchy," and he doesn't like it.
Mike can have a career. I'd buy his records. I'd buy Casey's as well. I might put a poster of Casey on my wall if I were 50 years younger. And if I were 55 years younger, I might put a poster up of Aaron Kelly.
Speaking of gorgeous men and boys: I barely noticed Lee DeWyze at first, and I thought he'd get voted off weeks ago. I'm so happy he didn't. Lee's voice is a cross--perhaps--between that of Joe Cocker and Michael Bolton, but I think he's a better singer. The judges keep telling Lee to smile. If Lee would smile several times in one night, he'd have a huge career. He is one good-looking man.
Our only woman contestant left is Crystal Bowersox. I think I'd change my last name, if I were Crystal. And I'd certainly get braces on my teeth. My guess is that Crystal's family is far from financial wealth but they've supported her deep appreciation and talent for music, especially bluesy music. Here I go making comparisons again. Crystal reminds me a bit of Jewel--who never fixed her crooked teeth, but she is considered beautiful nevertheless. Both Jewel and Crystal play the guitar and write good songs. And with their beautiful skin, they both look very earthy.
Crystal has an excellent voice. It is full and thick and smooth like Linda Ronstadt's voice. I could listen to either of these singers all day. Crystal could use some help from a stylist.
I suppose that Crystal will win, but I can picture Big Mike as the winner. On the other hand, the more we see of Lee, the more likely it seems that he might win. And what about Casey James? I will be happy to see any of these performers win American Idol. I hope they each have a big career ahead of them. I think they all do, including Aaron.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
A Face Heidi's Mother Could Love
Even kids young enough to be my grandchildren think The Hills is uncool. Never in my wildest dreams did I plan to write about this show, but I saw a scene Monday night that was so poignant, so moving, that I consider this episode brilliant--most likely on accident.
Everyone has seen pictures of Heide Montag since her 10 elective surgeries. Can you imagine how her mother would react to these drastic changes?
The new season begins while Heidi recovers from her surgeries. Although, these procedures were elective, Heidi is in extreme pain while she adjusts to her new self. She makes a trip to Colorado to visit her family. Heidi's mother cries at the sight of Heidi; she yearns for the face of Heidi that she loved and adored. She is dumbfounded that Heidi would risk her life to change something that was perfect in the first place. The surgeon has robbed Heidi's mother; you can see the pain in her eyes and hear the sadness in her voice.
Why would someone go to such extremes? This is the question that viewers of The Hills and readers of the gossip rags want to know. Heidi's mother and sister were once in awe of Heidi's self-confidence. What happened to Heidi? She says that she has felt pressure to be beautiful, living in Los Angeles. According to her mother, moving back to Colorado would be a more feasible option but this kind of talk hurts Heidi. What's the point?
Dining together at a restaurant, the family struggles to understand Heidi and the extreme changes to her appearance. Apparently, the side effects from the various surgeries made Heidi very sick. Her jaw and face hurt; she cannot chew her meat. When Holly's mother suggests putting Heidi's dinner into a blender, the pain in Heidi's eyes makes her mother--and all of us watching this episode--want to reach out to Heide while she stifles the need to sob. Although Heidi's face looks stiff from the tightness of her skin and she cannot readily move her face, her eyes express the disappointment she has in her family. She obviously hoped that her family would greet her new face--and body--with more enthusiasm.
Cosmetic surgery is a personal choice for those who have the money. When an individual makes a subtle change with a little tweak here and there, I say go for it. Why Heidi would go to such extremes is no mystery. She states that she didn't like herself before these drastic changes, but there is absolutely no doubt that Heidi's surgeon should have recommended a good therapist when he discovered how deep her insecurities go.
While I hope that Heidi's choices help her accept herself in the long run, every teenage girl should watch this episode of The Hills. Honestly, Heidi is a poster child for all the wrong reasons to have plastic surgery.
Everyone has seen pictures of Heide Montag since her 10 elective surgeries. Can you imagine how her mother would react to these drastic changes?
The new season begins while Heidi recovers from her surgeries. Although, these procedures were elective, Heidi is in extreme pain while she adjusts to her new self. She makes a trip to Colorado to visit her family. Heidi's mother cries at the sight of Heidi; she yearns for the face of Heidi that she loved and adored. She is dumbfounded that Heidi would risk her life to change something that was perfect in the first place. The surgeon has robbed Heidi's mother; you can see the pain in her eyes and hear the sadness in her voice.
Why would someone go to such extremes? This is the question that viewers of The Hills and readers of the gossip rags want to know. Heidi's mother and sister were once in awe of Heidi's self-confidence. What happened to Heidi? She says that she has felt pressure to be beautiful, living in Los Angeles. According to her mother, moving back to Colorado would be a more feasible option but this kind of talk hurts Heidi. What's the point?
Dining together at a restaurant, the family struggles to understand Heidi and the extreme changes to her appearance. Apparently, the side effects from the various surgeries made Heidi very sick. Her jaw and face hurt; she cannot chew her meat. When Holly's mother suggests putting Heidi's dinner into a blender, the pain in Heidi's eyes makes her mother--and all of us watching this episode--want to reach out to Heide while she stifles the need to sob. Although Heidi's face looks stiff from the tightness of her skin and she cannot readily move her face, her eyes express the disappointment she has in her family. She obviously hoped that her family would greet her new face--and body--with more enthusiasm.
Cosmetic surgery is a personal choice for those who have the money. When an individual makes a subtle change with a little tweak here and there, I say go for it. Why Heidi would go to such extremes is no mystery. She states that she didn't like herself before these drastic changes, but there is absolutely no doubt that Heidi's surgeon should have recommended a good therapist when he discovered how deep her insecurities go.
While I hope that Heidi's choices help her accept herself in the long run, every teenage girl should watch this episode of The Hills. Honestly, Heidi is a poster child for all the wrong reasons to have plastic surgery.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Larry King: Another Story about Infidelity
I'm bored by all the stories about famous marriages that fail due to cheating men. Sex outside of marriage has become an epidemic worse than H1N1. However, the story about Larry King makes me chuckle because it's beyond absurd.
Larry King is a true enigma, and this tale about deception and divorce is stranger than fiction. King has been married eight times, and each time he marries a woman who looks just like the last one. He not only loves blondes, but each one is pretty with similar facial features.
One might view King and each of these beautiful women as a weird match, but Larry is a much better "catch" than one might think. Several years ago, I attended a Tony Robbins seminar with Larry as one of Tony's guests. Larry is a fantastic story teller and a hilarious, charming man. I am guessing that, for a woman, he can be one good time.
I admire the professional Larry King whose nightly show is a staple of American culture. But if the stories are true, that King has been involved with his beautiful wife's younger sister, then he is an insecure, sad man. What is wrong with someone who cheats on his wife with his sister-in-law?
Tiger Woods may have cheated on his wife many times, and Jesse James made a spectacle of his marriage after Sandra Bullock made an eloquent speech praising her husband and his devotion to her. But as far as I'm concerned, Larry King helped destroy his wife's relationship with her own sister, and his actions are worst of all.
What a selfish and stupid man.
Larry King is a true enigma, and this tale about deception and divorce is stranger than fiction. King has been married eight times, and each time he marries a woman who looks just like the last one. He not only loves blondes, but each one is pretty with similar facial features.
One might view King and each of these beautiful women as a weird match, but Larry is a much better "catch" than one might think. Several years ago, I attended a Tony Robbins seminar with Larry as one of Tony's guests. Larry is a fantastic story teller and a hilarious, charming man. I am guessing that, for a woman, he can be one good time.
I admire the professional Larry King whose nightly show is a staple of American culture. But if the stories are true, that King has been involved with his beautiful wife's younger sister, then he is an insecure, sad man. What is wrong with someone who cheats on his wife with his sister-in-law?
Tiger Woods may have cheated on his wife many times, and Jesse James made a spectacle of his marriage after Sandra Bullock made an eloquent speech praising her husband and his devotion to her. But as far as I'm concerned, Larry King helped destroy his wife's relationship with her own sister, and his actions are worst of all.
What a selfish and stupid man.
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